She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
