so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
