Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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