Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
