My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
