cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
