Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
