when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
