Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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