saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
