you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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