really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
