There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
