3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
