There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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