Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
