You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
