It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
