you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In other news, I just burned my penis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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