Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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