Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am midnight drunk by noon
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
