I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
