How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
