i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
