Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
two words: eviction party
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
