She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
