I will die if light touches me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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