well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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