I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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