She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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