Don't you send me to vm
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
