Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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