before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You've changed since you got that strap on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
