I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
