made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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