He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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