She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
