There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
