i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
