you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just pee around me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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