My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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