worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
