Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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