I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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