Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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