Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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