and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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