I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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