I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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