It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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